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[23 Aug 2009|09:19pm]



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[08 Oct 2006|10:11am]
i dont appreciate people reading my journal from school, first of all cuz they arent on my friends list
second of all because i use this to channel my feelings about my eating disorder

so if you fucking got in my journal by getting my password
thats fucked up
8 comments|post comment

[17 May 2005|01:03pm]
i must stop these habits. its the only thing stopping me from losing this weight...Jam???Ketchup??? I mean, the ketchup thing is pretty bad. I just wanna keep going on this liquid thing though. things i must do and change in order to lose this weight.

*stop wasteing time
*exercise videos every night
*tea, and iced coffees
*lipton cup a soup/Soup at Hand
*no Jam
*ketchup IF NEEDED for a sodium crave.
*gum/hard candy/
*go to sleep at 11
*no more light cool whip

this needs to happen
this is the only reason
why im not losing weight.
i must stop wasteing time
and get what I want.

once i get what i want
Ill start with the veggies like i was doing 1 month ago.
but until then, i must hault these habits, or NOTHING is going to happen

83 with no clothes is no acceptable
i have to lose 3 lbs just to be where i was 3 weeks ago. and then lose on top of that.
get with it
there are just a few changes needed to be done
6 comments|post comment

[20 Mar 2005|04:27pm]
[ mood | anxious ]



hey everyone

2 comments|post comment

[20 Feb 2005|10:56pm]
[ mood | anxious ]



19 comments|post comment

[28 Jan 2005|11:37pm]
[ mood | okay ]


i want theseCollapse )

8 comments|post comment

[17 Jan 2005|03:15am]
[ mood | hopeful ]

blah. i dont even know anymore. one day ill be in a fine mood, the next ill be in a horrible mood. today was an eh day. some things i just dont understand. am i that bad to hang out with? i mean...this isnt directed to any one person, so dont read this and then flip shit in comments. im just venting here. i feel that my "friends" do so much, and have so much fun, but im never a part of it. its either they dont want to be bothered with me, or i dono maybe im just not a fun person to hang around. i mean, i know im a party pooper, complain a lot and all, but id really love to have a best friend. a friend whos always there. i feel like i just linger around everyone and im a bother. i hate this feeling. i feel like im up everyones ass just trying to get away from everything, but nothing is working. doesnt make much sense, i know. i guess i dont really make much sense anymore...

tomorrow im getting my hair done and my teeth cleaned. what an exitement. id really love to go to the cherry hill mall. i havent been there for so long.

12 comments|post comment

[02 Jan 2005|02:32pm]
[ mood | drained ]

i wake up today, having no sleep and feeling like complete shit. i hate everything about my life. and im not just saying this to say oh poor me. nothng is changing around here and everyone expects ME to change. im sick of everything being about them. i miss my dad and the way we used to have a relationship. ive done and said so many hurtful things. i cant stop crying. my mom is a bitch. i hate my stepdad. i just cant take any of this anymore. i dont know what to do. things need to change. im not going through another year around this life destroying atmosphere. i cant handle this.

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[01 Jan 2005|07:15pm]

well, its 2005.  my new years wasnt that bad. i went to lizzs and hung out with her meliss dan tyler and andrew. twas a good old time. after that i went to melissas and around 1 30 kier and jenny came there and we walked to kiers. thats where i slept. we watched napolean dynamite. i love those fuckers.i dont really know what my new years resolutions are. is that bad? i wish i had a boyfriend that could drive. my life would be great if that was the case. i would never have to worry about rides to and from atco and heights. i just cant take it anymore. my mom. frank. blah. everythings a mess and i hate it.

happy new year :)Collapse )

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[29 Dec 2004|12:49am]

tonight was fun. we went bowling, kiers dad dropped off jenny sam lauren and sarah at station and me and kier went to kiers. we called leah and neil and we rented anchorman and watched it. then naround 12 neil drove me home. it was a good time. :)

and of course, i took pictures<3   ...............Collapse )

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[27 Dec 2004|11:59pm]

here are some pictures of us being condeeded!! tonight was fun.<3


damn it feels good to be a gangsterCollapse )

6 comments|post comment

[27 Dec 2004|06:09pm]

pictures with my new digicammmmCollapse )

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MY BIRTHDAY IS TODAY!!! [12 Dec 2004|11:56am]
[ mood | high ]

hello my journal. im at ginas after a wonderful night of celebration for my birthday.
yeappp..yyesterday i uhhhh went to jennys around 8 45 with meliss. sam, lauren, lizz, jenny, sarah and diana were there. so they gave me all my gifts. THANK YOU ALL FOR MY GIFTS THEY ARE LOVELY<3 after jennys, my mother drove us to Eds house. When we got there i was kinda upset cuz i didnt think i would be able to smoke unless i could get my hands on some. so i asked around and LOFINK!!! had some! he gave me and diana all of it that was in the little baggie so that made my night. i needed a good smoke, knowing that i havent smoked since late august. so it was nice. me and diana smoked..a lot. it was intense. then the night consisted of strip poker? even though lizz bob and pope were the only ones undressing. so i was just watching. another part of the night had porn laced in there somewhere. ed showed us his bags of porn mags and sam took it and ran downstairs. i took pictures of some hardcore porn with jennys camera so if you wanna jackoff look at her journal sometime soon. it seemed like the time at eds went by real fast. around 1045 or something, me gina and meliss walked to ginas. and we slept there. yeah. righto. so my night was good. i havent had a fun night like that for a long time. im pretty happy. thanks everyone :)

today is my birthday and ummmm. my dad is picking me up soon fromm ginas, taking me home. at home i shall get cleaned up, shower, and me my mom and sister are gonna go to the mall. later tonight im goin to my dads to open presents and hang out with them. it will be awkward but oh well. yay

11 comments|post comment

[06 Dec 2004|06:56pm]
my birthday is on sunday! :) we need to partyyy.
8 comments|post comment

[27 Nov 2004|04:05pm]
its definately time for a long self-pitying journal entry. why does life suck so much? things are never going to change. ever. my mom is so fucked up in the head shes never going to be the mom she used to be. i just want to be perfect. i want to leave frank. for good. i want to start a new life. a new beginning. everything is so short full of bickering.

why cant i be the way i used to be? i never have fun anymore. and its not my friends that arent fun, its me. im such a boring person and all i want to do is sit and chill. i never wanna drink or smoke anymore, which is somewhat good but thats really all anyone does, so therefore i have no fun. i try to be content with doing things with my friends but im never happy. im such a bitch. why cant i just be happy? why cant i just be adventurious and happy and like me. no i have to be dull and lazy and "the girl who doesnt eat" whatever. im sick of everything. so sick and tired.

i cant take the stress anymore of my parents never treating me like a person. im being so vague right now but its just getting all off my chest.

i need a hug.
4 comments|post comment

[14 Oct 2004|08:26pm]
wowww. how long has it been. christ. yeah well nothing is going on except for all the fucking drama at home. seriously. like when will it end? how long does this hae to go on for my om to realize that im right and we need to leave frank to be free from bullshit and just be happy. jus tme my mom and sister. thats all i want. every night i fucking cry myself to sleep cu zi hate him so much. its geting out of control. hes a baby. an immature asshole who likes to be right and never wrong and belittle people. how long with my life be like this? the tension the constand problems and bickkering. how long? how long do i have to wait until what should have happened a long time ago happens. i would kill to just move into a shitty apartment with crud growing on the floors and be with my sister and mom. i know things will get better. i just want us to be happy like we used to be. i want my mom to be happy, shes not happy here. frank is making everything worse. you know how like when little kids make comments to older kids and the older kids get all mad but the parents are just like "hes young he doesnt know the difference" well when frank says something immature and we get angry my mom is basically like okay okay stop frank doesnt know any better you be the stronger one. its so messed up. am i the only sane one here?

i need to get with someone. i need someone who cares about me and i feel happy around and someone who makes me feel pretty and carefree. everyone has someone. why cant i? why cant i?
23 comments|post comment

[22 Sep 2004|09:02am]
[ mood | crushed ]

im in icp 2 right now and were typing and doing this gay thing. jason is sitting next to me. hi jason. melissa is sitting next to me too. she is playing a basketball game thing. wow im bored and i DONT feel like going to issp at alllllll. i still cant go online and last night sucked. i need to talk to ash. i miss her. ash if your reading this which your probally not i need to talk to you. :( everything is going wrong. im gonna get there. we can do it

11 comments|post comment

[04 Sep 2004|02:31pm]
[ mood | determined ]

wow. school starts soon. wtf. well yesterday we had a scrimmage and i scored. for once. lol. after that i got my hair dyed, went to the barbique for hockey then went out to dougies? with a lot of people. i will not go any further than that just to be safe. tonight i better effffffing do something. i shall call gina later on.

4 comments|post comment

[20 Aug 2004|02:57pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

okay well whens the last time i wrote in this fucker? heh. umm things have been alright. hm.last night iiiii...got my eyebrows waxed haha. that was the highlight of my night. didnt feel like going out cuz the next morning i had field hockey.  so the Excorsist was on last night oin SiFi. i watched it. i def wanna see the Excorsist the Beginning. who wants to go see it with me? this morning i found out at hockey that i cant run cuz i didnt have my physical forms filled out withthe doc. so my mom picked me up and i got my physical from this really fucking cool docter who was a girl and young and yeahi like her so much better than my dickface old man docter whos an asshole to me. :) so when she was looking in my ears she asked me if i had tubes in my ears and i said no and then shes like well you have an earring ball in your ear. so she flushed it out. it felt so damn weird. haha. so yeah shes my docter from now on. i wanna go running later when it cools off. tmm im gonna have to run like 4 miles, ahhhh. im gonna go chill in my room. yay. how fun another modeling agency called today and on dec 3 through the 5th if my mom lets me im goin to FL for a competition for dancing and modleing and shit. and if one of the many agencies see me and like me then ill get a contract. im gonna need to get my braces off soon fuckers, im so ugly with these pieces on. :(

7 comments|post comment

[07 Aug 2004|02:48pm]
i cant take this anymore. im on the verge of having a fucking nervous breakdown.
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